That’s right, I’m still here. Still going. Sorry, I know I’m slow at it. This kind of stuff takes me forever. But that’s because I’m not just scanning for typos; I’m looking for inconsistencies, and places to replace unnecessary details with important ones.
Does Rome strike you as the type of person who would ask for help?
Nah, didn’t think so.
So how is it that he’s going into a tavern with the intention of finding out more about women? In fact, why is he going into town in the first place?
And there’s the first discrepancy.
So I’ve decided to take an alternate route to getting Rome into that tavern–the more likely bet: Bre wants some stuff from town, and since Rome’s the protector, the provider, and the one with the money…Yeah, likely story. (It is, after all, usually the man in a relationship who gets dragged through shopping.) I know I already kinda did that later in the story, but it may be more useful to do that up-front. The pastry could fit into that–doesn’t have to be a kissing sneak-attack…at first. ;3 Wardrobe can come up as a suggestion as the head “lady of the evening” is freely sharing her unasked-for advice with Rome. Aaaand all’s back to where it should be (theoretically).
…Okay, obviously it’ll be more complicated than that, but at least with those changes the focus of the story can shift back to Pandora as the villain rather than vilifying Rome. And the relationship can easily fall prey to the plot–as in, the plot can act as a relational catalyst. Yay.
Oh, and Rome’s not going to kick Bre out. (I think I already mentioned that.) I mean, he does, but he can’t go through with it–he can’t part with her for a third time; he’s not that strong…at least, not where Bre is concerned. He’s actually quite strong in every other respect. (O.o)
Soooo…These are my plans. That doesn’t mean I’ve actually gotten that far yet…Actually, I just wrote a new beginning to “Answers,” and now I’m going to have to scrap it, because Rome will not be sneaking into the town like a spy. Oy vey… (>_<)